What I learned From My TBI
1. I learned what a TBI was.
When I used to think of a TBI, I thought of a football player that got too many concussions or a baseball player that got drilled in the head with a ball. It never occurred to me that a car accident could cause something like this. The CDC defines a traumatic brain injury (TBI) as a disruption in the normal function of the brain that can be caused by a bump, blow, or jolt to the head, or penetrating head injury. Brain injuries can range from being mild, moderate or severe. In my case, there was enough built up pressure to bruise a lobe in my brain and cause permanent damage. It also caused amnesia and created life-long effects for me. Migraines. Constant eye-shaking. Feeling tired. Confusion. PTSD. Man, the brain is wild. Over the last 6 years, I have had my fair share of learning coping mechanisms to help me deal with all of these different ailments. Am I reminded of this every day? Yes, but it's gotten so much easier to live with.
2. I'm not dumb.
There's around a 6-month span (right before and after the accident) that I have very little memory of - my body was present during those 6 months, but my mind wasn't. I vaguely remember going to speech therapy and having to sit at a computer playing word games and building sentences. I vaguely remember that it took me a month to finish reading Safe Haven. Overtime, I remember playing Lumosity games to try and get my mental strength back. I remember going to a summer session at school and feeling like the dumbest kid in the room because I couldn't remember anything. I remember thinking that I wasn't going to be able to finish college because I was "stupid" now. I refused to apply for disability services because I didn't want this brain injury to define me. I struggled with studying for exams and sometimes I just outright gave up because of how frustrated I would get with myself. But I survived and graduated a semester late, because ya know what? I'm not dumb. I think this is one reason I continue to go to school, whether it be the certificate program I completed in 2018 or it be the new graduate certificate program that I'm in now. I'm proving to myself that I am smart enough to do it. Wow, what a concept... remembering how dumb I used to feel and making sure I never feel that way again. Interesting.
3. True friends will show up.
"Friends" come out of nowhere when you get hurt, but true friends will stick by your side during your recovery. They’ll come and visit you in the hospital. They'll be there for you when you forget who you are. They'll be there for you when you forget that you were even friends with them (sorry about that Megan...). True friends will drive with you for hours and take you places to try and spark your memory. There's photos of me in Boone during my hazy 6 months, surrounded by people whom I love, and I will be forever grateful that I was taken back there during my recovery. My doctor told me that being exposed to people, places and things from my past is the reason that I was able to heal. Friends will tell you stories. Help you put together pieces of information so that it makes sense. They will help fill in words that you can't remember. They will be there for you through the good, the bad and the unknown. To all of my friends that were there for me, THANK YOU. I can’t say that enough.
4. A sister doesn't have to be blood.
Wow. If this ain't the truth. Through this experience, I found my sister. My person. My ride or die. I found a person who will always be a part of my life whether we like it or not. I've read stories about friends who go through traumatic experiences together and they lose touch or grow apart. Nope, that's not us. I don't think we have gone a day without speaking since 2013 and to tell you the truth... I don't think that I could go a day without making sure that she's breathing. This journey has brought me a second family and I am honored to have them in my life.
Do I write this for you to feel sorry for me? Not at all. I wrote this so that people can see that everyone fights different battles and you never know what people have gone through. The majority of the time, these battles are internal - be kind and understanding to others. I believe that this brain injury was one of the best things that has ever happened to me because it continues to help create the strong and compassionate person that I am today. If you know anyone who has been through a TBI and is having trouble, please have them reach out to me or a therapist.
xx,
Linsey
