The Four Loves of My Life

I read an article about the 3 types of love that people have in their lifetime. The first love is their childhood/first love, the second is the hard/learning love and the third is the long lasting/forever love. That article hit me so hard and I could identify with every single word that it said. I showed it to a ton of people and would always add “yes yes yes” attached to it. Recently, I’ve been thinking back at this article and realizing that I would personally need to modify it - I have to add a 4th type of love, self-love.

1. My first love. 

Going back to the good ol days in highschool. I remember being a freshman, sitting in French class, looking at this junior boy & thinking how cute he was. Well - somehow we started talking, hanging out, “dating” (whatever that looked like in high school). I thought I was cool as shit for dating an older boy and hanging out with the cool kids. We went to the fair, haunted houses, to family gatherings and prom. But most importantly, I liked that he was quiet because I was quiet back then too. He was my first love that I thought was going to last forever… I blame Taylor Swift songs and Hilary Duff movies for getting my hopes up. Even to this day, looking back, I don’t see where we really had any problems other than we just weren’t meant to be together and he was going off to college, etc.- needless to say, the day that he broke up with me, I was devastated. I thought we were going to have a fairytale ending.

2. My hard love.

This one broke me and took me a while to get over. We met during college through a dating app. He was energetic, always wanted to do things, and kept me on my toes. He was full of life, goals and ambitions. We fell for each other pretty fast. We spent as much time together as we could on the weekends and always tried to do something new. Once I graduated, we decided to take the next step and move in together. We spent holidays together, got a dog together, lived a life together. Things were going well for us (because I kept ignoring the red flags) but eventually I could feel him pulling away. We had just re-signed our lease, so I was willing to try and put effort towards the relationship but he had already checked out. One day, he told me that he would be moving out that weekend and that was that. I. Was. Shook. Not only was my heart broken, but my life was turned upside down. I had to figure out what to do with our lease. I was now a single dog mom and had to take on all of those expenses. I remember sitting in my bed one night, writing down our entire relationship. I remember writing out all of the red flags that I had missed. The anger. The yelling. The impulsivity. The recklessness. I was able to write out all of the things that I hadn’t been able to see. This love was my hard love. I needed to learn love. I will forever be grateful for this love because it taught me so many lessons. 

3. My self-love.

So in the article, the third love, is the forever/long-lasting love. But in my story- it is my self-love. After my hard love, I went through a period of figuring out who I was. Yes, I dyed my hair multiple times, went out partying a lot, worked out a lot, was on dating apps, etc. I traveled Europe with my best friend. I decided to quit my job and start going back to school for something that I really wanted to do and was passionate about. I also decided to move to a new city so that I could start fresh. Once I moved to Charlotte, I started to go to a yoga studio and a cycling studio. I experienced new places to eat, drink and play. I was finally in touch with who I was and who I wanted to be. I loved me. I was in such a great place in my life and was extremely happy with who I was becoming. My self-love journey is continuous and is also a long-lasting/forever love. I believe it is also the most important love of all. My entire life I was searching for someone to love me… when I needed to just shake myself and realize that I was the only person who needed to love me. 

4. My forever love.

Once I realized that I loved who I was and was worthy of receiving the man that I dreamed of, he fell into my lap. I went to a friend's engagement party and was reunited with someone whom I had met years prior. We reconnected and started to talk, go on dates and visit each other. I realized that I loved this man because I never questioned his motives or intentions. Things were relatively easy. We’ve done the long distance thing and we’ve done the living together thing. We have been together for 3.5 years now, and I know that this is just the beginning. Are we still working on some things? Yes…  but the most important thing is that we want to work on it together. We truly want to make this relationship work. We are willing to learn how we can be there for each other (not always in the smoothest of ways). I had been waiting to find someone who loved me for me, and I found him. I can’t wait to see where this life takes us- the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. 

I wish I could have told my 18-23 year old self to STOP SEARCHING. Go out and live your life. Fall in love with yourself. Your person will come along at the right time, don’t rush it. 

xx,

Linsey

Article referenced above: https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/